Understanding Self-Harm: Exploring Differences and Similarities Across Genders

A Compassionate Look at Self-Harm Among Young People

Understanding self-harm, also known as non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), is a deeply complex and sensitive topic that affects people of all genders, ages, and backgrounds. While society may often talk about self-harm as an issue primarily affecting girls, the reality is far more nuanced.

Boys, girls, and individuals of all gender identities can and do engage in self-harming behaviours. Understanding self-harm in young people, including the similarities and distinctions in how it manifests across genders, is crucial for parents, educators, mental health professionals, and peers who wish to offer inclusive self-harm support and foster healing.

What is Self-Harm?

Self-harm refers to the deliberate act of hurting oneself as a way to cope with emotional pain, stress, or overwhelming situations. Common forms of self-harm include cutting, burning, hitting, scratching, or engaging in behaviours that cause physical pain or injury for young people and adults alike.

It’s important to note that self-harm is distinct from suicidal behaviour, though the two can sometimes overlap. For many, self-harm serves as a way to express feelings that cannot be put into words, release tension, or regain a sense of control, which is central to understanding self-harm and responding early.
Recognising these patterns early can help parents and educators notice signs of self-harm and guide a young person toward safe support.

Prevalence Among Boys and Girls

Numerous studies have attempted to measure the prevalence of self-harm among boys and girls, with varying results. Traditionally, self-harm has been reported more frequently among girls, particularly in adolescent populations. Surveys often indicate higher rates among girls, sometimes at ratios as high as two or three girls for every boy reporting self-harm.

However, these numbers may not tell the whole story. Many experts believe that self-harm among boys is significantly underreported due to stigma, social expectations around masculinity, and differences in how boys express distress. Boys may also engage in risk-taking or aggressive behaviours that function as self-harm but are not always classified that way. This is why understanding self-harm in young people must include how distress is expressed across genders and how signs of self-harm may present differently.

Australian context:
According to Headspace, around one in ten young Australians will engage in self-harm at some point, with numbers higher for girls but significant across all genders. Importantly, research also shows rising rates among gender-diverse young people, highlighting the need for inclusive support. Learn more at Headspace. for self-harm resources and help-seeking.

Methods of Self-Harm: Similarities and Differences

When examining self-harm across genders in young people, some differences in methods of self-harm and motivations are observed. Research often finds that girls are more likely to engage in cutting or scratching, while boys may be more likely to hit themselves, punch walls, or engage in behaviours that result in injury through risk-taking as forms of self-harm. These patterns highlight the importance of understanding self-harm across genders:

• Cutting and Scratching: common self-harm methods
  More frequently reported among girls, possibly due to cultural factors and social influences. These forms of self-harm may be more visible and thus more likely to be identified in research and clinical settings.
• Hitting and Punching: self-harm in boys and young men
  Boys may express distress through hitting themselves, objects, or walls. These behaviours can sometimes be dismissed as “anger issues” rather than recognised as self-harm, leading to under-reporting.
• Burning, Biting, and Other Methods: self-harm across genders
  These behaviours are less commonly discussed but occur among all genders.

Stigma and societal expectations can shape how these motivations are expressed. For example, boys may feel pressure to appear emotionally stoic and may internalise distress, leading to self-harm as a “hidden” coping mechanism. Girls, conversely, may be socialised to express emotions more openly, though they too are often subject to stigma and misunderstanding.

Motivations for Self-Harm

Despite differences in methods, the underlying motivations for self-harm are often strikingly similar across genders. Young people, regardless of gender identity, may self-harm to:

• Release emotional pain or tension
• Regain a sense of control in their lives
• Express feelings they cannot verbalise
• Punish themselves for perceived faults or failures
• Feel something when feeling numb or disconnected
• Cope with overwhelming or traumatic experiences

Stigma and societal expectations can shape how these motivations are expressed. For example, boys may feel pressure to appear emotionally stoic and may internalise distress, leading to self-harm as a “hidden” coping mechanism. Girls, conversely, may be socialised to express emotions more openly, though they too are often subject to stigma and misunderstanding. These patterns reinforce why inclusive self-harm support and early recognition of signs of self-harm matter.

Challenges in Recognising and Addressing Self-Harm Among Boys

One of the most significant challenges in supporting boys who self-harm is the pervasive stigma surrounding male vulnerability and help-seeking. Boys and young men may feel ashamed to admit to self-harm or emotional distress, fearing judgement or ridicule for not fitting traditional gender norms. As a result, self-harm among boys may go unnoticed by parents, teachers, and even healthcare professionals who may miss early signs of self-harm.

Additionally, because boys may engage in self-harm through risk-taking or aggressive behaviour, adults may not always recognise these actions as forms of self-injury. This misunderstanding can prevent boys from receiving the help for self-harm they need. Encouraging open conversations about emotions, mental health, and coping strategies, and offering inclusive self-harm support, is crucial for breaking down these barriers.

Self-Harm Among Girls: Visibility and Misconceptions

While self-harm among girls is more widely recognised, it is often misunderstood. There can be a tendency to dismiss girls’ self-injury as “attention-seeking,” which trivialises the pain and complexity behind the behaviour. Girls may also face pressure to be perfect or to manage their emotions in culturally prescribed ways, which can contribute to feelings of isolation and distress.

It’s essential to approach self-harm among girls with empathy and without judgement. Recognising the seriousness of self-injury and addressing the underlying emotional needs can help girls feel seen, supported, and less alone. Providing inclusive self-harm support and access to self-harm resources can make a meaningful difference.

The Role of Social Media and Peer Influence

In today’s digital world, social media can play a complicated role in self-harm among young people. On one hand, online communities can provide support, information, and connection for those who feel isolated. On the other hand, exposure to self-harm content or peer encouragement can contribute to normalisation and even escalation of the behaviour.

Both boys and girls may be influenced by what they see online, though the specific nature of that influence can differ. Girls may be more likely to encounter self-harm imagery or stories on platforms like Instagram or TikTok, while boys may connect through forums, gaming communities, or private chats. Regardless of gender, monitoring social media use and providing healthy offline relationships are crucial steps for parents and caregivers.

Supporting All Young People: What Can Be Done?

Regardless of gender, every individual who self-harms needs compassion, understanding, and support.
These steps start with understanding self-harm in young people and recognising signs early:

• Open the Conversation:
  Encourage honest, non-judgmental discussions about emotions and mental health. Normalise seeking help and expressing vulnerability.
• Recognise the Signs:
  Be aware of unexplained injuries, changes in behaviour, withdrawal, or significant mood shifts.
• Provide Access to Resources:
  Make information about mental health support readily available, including helplines, counselling, and crisis services.
• Avoid Judgement:
  Never dismiss self-harm as “just a phase” or “attention-seeking.” Take all disclosures seriously.
• Promote Healthy Coping Skills:
  Help young people develop alternative strategies for managing stress and emotional pain, such as creative activities, exercise, or mindfulness.
• Educate Yourself and Others:
  Learn about self-harm, its causes, and its complexities to better support loved ones and challenge stigma.

Moving Beyond the Binary

While much of the discussion around self-harm focuses on boys versus girls, it’s important to acknowledge and include the experiences of those who do not fit neatly into these categories. Non-binary, transgender, and gender-diverse young people are at elevated risk for self-harm due to societal discrimination, lack of support, and challenges related to gender identity. Creating inclusive environments that respect all gender identities is vital in addressing self-harm comprehensively.

When to Seek Help for Self-Harm

If you or someone you know is self-harming, seeking help is a sign of strength. There are many professionals and support groups equipped to provide assistance, including school counsellors, therapists, mental health organisations, and crisis hotlines. Early intervention can significantly impact recovery and overall well-being.

Conclusion

Self-harm is a complex issue that affects boys, girls, and gender-diverse individuals alike. While certain patterns and societal influences may shape how self-harm manifests, every person’s experience is unique. By fostering compassion, reducing stigma, and promoting open conversations, we can help all young people find healthier ways to cope and heal. No one should have to struggle alone; support and hope are always within reach. With a focus on understanding self-harm, families, schools, and peers can respond with calm, practical support.

If you are worried about self-harm, take the next step today.

Reach out to Behaviour Collaborations for inclusive, person-centred support for young people, parents and educators. We will listen first, then help you plan safe, practical next steps. Get in touch today for a confidential chat. SANE also offers free digital and telehealth support, as well as moderated forums for adults seeking guidance: https://www.sane.org/.

• If life is in danger, call 000.
• For immediate support:
  Lifeline 13 11 14
  Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800
  Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636